💛 Thoughtful Thursday: Sometimes Support Means Pausing
When a child is dysregulated, our instinct as adults is often to jump in quickly — offering reminders, directions, reassurance, or solutions. We want to help. We want to fix. We want to reduce distress.
But in many moments, responding too quickly can unintentionally add pressure, making it harder for a child to process, regulate, and reengage.
Sometimes, the most supportive thing we can do is pause.
🧠 What Happens When a Child Is Dysregulated
From an Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) perspective, behavior is always influenced by what’s happening internally and externally. When a child is dysregulated — emotionally overwhelmed, frustrated, anxious, or overstimulated — their ability to process language and respond to demands is reduced.
Research and clinical practice consistently show that during dysregulation:
Processing speed slows
Response latency increases (the time between a direction and a response)
Working memory is limited
Instructional demands feel more effortful
In these moments, a child may not be refusing or ignoring instructions — they may simply need more time.
⏱️ The Power of Response Latency
In ABA, response latency refers to the amount of time it takes for a learner to respond after a cue or instruction. Latency naturally increases when a child is overwhelmed.
When adults repeat directions too quickly or add extra language, we can unintentionally:
Increase cognitive load
Escalate frustration
Turn support into pressure
Trigger additional challenging behavior
A brief pause allows the nervous system to settle and gives the child space to process what has already been said.
🌱 Why Pausing Works
Pausing is not passive. It’s a strategic, evidence-informed support.
A short pause:
Respects the child’s processing needs
Reduces unnecessary verbal input
Lowers response effort
Allows regulation to occur before expectation
This aligns with core ABA principles:
Adjusting antecedents to support success
Reducing demands during moments of dysregulation
Teaching skills when the learner is ready to access instruction
Learning happens best when a child is calm enough to engage — not when they are overwhelmed.
💬 What a Supportive Pause Can Look Like
Pausing does not mean walking away or ignoring your child. It means being present without adding pressure.
Supportive pausing might look like:
Saying a direction once, then waiting quietly
Offering a calm, neutral presence
Allowing a few seconds (or longer) before expecting a response
Using minimal language instead of repeated prompts
Giving space before problem-solving or redirecting
Often, you’ll notice that after a brief pause, your child:
Takes a breath
Reorients
Attempts to respond
Reengages more successfully
💛 Support Doesn’t Always Mean Doing More
As caregivers, it can feel uncomfortable to pause. Silence can feel like inaction. But in reality, pausing is an intentional act of support.
It communicates:
“I see you.”
“I’m giving you time.”
“You don’t have to rush.”
“I believe you can reengage.”
Sometimes the most compassionate response is not another word or instruction — it’s a moment.
🌈 The Starbright Approach
At Starbright Centers, we emphasize regulation before instruction and compassion before compliance. We coach families to recognize when a child needs guidance — and when they need space.
Because empowering families isn’t about doing more.
Sometimes, it’s about knowing when to pause.
Empowering Families. Brightening Lives.
